i will fall, only for the last time

I think I'm at that point where I'm not really sure of which direction to take myself. And I'm terrified that none of what I'm currently doing is even where I should be at right now. This semester, I took on way too many things, and I'm just now facing the repercussions. Don't get me wrong; I so very appreciate that I get the chance to be involved in all these different opportunities. But honestly, it's kind of at the expense of my academics, which is haunting.

And my mental health too. I don't think I've ever had so many successive breakdowns in one week before. I need to keep reminding myself to slow it down a bit, and to continue to work on taking care of myself.

(-)

*raised my work hours to almost 30 hours a week
*skipped a lot of lectures so I could do the assignments for other classes that I had skipped
*struggling academically (midterms on midterms)
*haven't been sleeping
*and smoking too much again
*drank a lot on saturday, blacked out, got really sick
*just overall feeling really out of place and in solitude

(+)

*publication work is going well
*looking forward to the possibility of tattoo #2 soon
*got accepted into my top choice co-op
*tackling a massive side project this weekend with other rad folks
*one more midterm tomorrow and then I can finally rest for a bit again

Five more weeks. Five more weeks until this ridiculous semester will be over.