because of u

I've never cared much for Mondays. Maybe it's because, this semester, I have an 8 am lecture that I have an undying tendency for missing on a regular basis. I told myself I would be more responsible, but instead, I woke up with a hangover and ended up sleeping in until noon.

This week is midterms and essays and board meetings and heavy responsibility, and I'm slowly facing the consequences of my reckless weekend habits. I really appreciate the little things, though. I was slowly easing into my third consecutive hour of studying, when out of nowhere I receive a phone call from a friend, asking me to meet him by the fruit stand so we could go on a walk. I drop everything that I'm doing, even though I probably shouldn't have, and within ten minutes we're walking over to one of my favorite cafes on campus. He gets a fruit smoothie, I get the usual iced coffee, and we make it over to Memorial Glade. This was literally one of the warmest and nicest days I've experienced here in awhile; gotta appreciate this West Coast weather. We sat on the library steps, and just made such easy conversation for a solid two and a half hours, about jobs, about the future, about our pasts, about our problems, about nothing in particular. He came out to me as trans*, and we really dug deep into both of our experiences with that. I honestly wish I could offer more advice, and help him see that it's totally ok, but I don't even have the capacity to help myself. We even ended up playing a rad game of "smash or pass" with all the humans we encountered as they fled to their next class. So thankful for solid company.

On the way back, I picked up dinner and went back to work. At one point, two really cool kids came over and we talked genetics. I'm sadly still here, hours later, currently sitting in an empty lounge with cold coffee and lots of thoughts and no one to tell them to.

*people make me both happy and sad
*still need to shower
*from now on, I need to start eating better
*why are all of my meetings scheduled for this week
*and all the midterms too
*plant biology is so interesting but at the same time not
*so I'm putting it off by stalking folks who don't even know I exist
*I've had three iced coffees today already
*it's at that point where I want to drink on a Monday night
*it needs to be the weekend already
*craving shroomies
*feeling distant from the people who live closest to me
*but at the same time I'm really thankful for them
*and for friends to get stoney with
*so hopefully things get better as the days progress
*I just want someone to come over and lay on the floor with me
*and also cute girls

It's 3:41 am, my biology notes are spread out all over the table, and I have three more pages of this essay left to go.

I told myself to give up smoking, but I think I really need a break tonight.